The Code of the Geeks v2.1

July 18, 1994

The Geek Code is copyright 1993,1994 by Robert A. Hayden <hayden@krypton.mankato.msus.edu>. All rights reserved. You are free to distribute this code in electronic format provided that the file remains unmodified and this copyright notice remains attached.

So you think you are a geek, eh? The first step is to admit to yourself your geekiness. No matter what anyone says, geeks are people too; geeks have rights. So take a deep breath and announce to the world that you are a geek. Your courage will give you strength that will last you forever.

How to tell the world you are a geek, you ask? Use the universal Geek code. By joining the geek organization, you have license to use this special code that will allow you to let other un-closeted geeks know who you are in a simple, codified statement.

The single best way to announce your geekhood is to add your geek code to signature file and announce it far and wide. But be careful, you may give other geeks the courage to come out of the closet. You might want to hang on to your copy of the code in order to help them along.

Background

The first version of the Geek Code was 0.1 and consisted of only about five categories. 0.2 was mostly a spelling and bug fix. 0.3 added a couple more categories.

1.0 was released about 4 months after 0.3 on July 17, 1993 and added several more categories as well as the rules for cross-overs and variables. 1.0.1 was a bug-fix released later that day.

Over the course of the next year or so, I received some 75 or so various suggestions for improvements and changes in the Geek Code. Due to time, I wasn't able to sit down and collect and sort all of the suggestions and put everything together. Finally, in early July, 1994, I found the time and decided that I would release version 2.0 on July 17, 1994, one year after version 1.0. Version 2.0 represents the recommendations of many dozens of people too numerous to mention here.

This is version 2.1 and represents the fixing of several serious bugs that slipped through while I was in a hurry to get 2.0 out the door.

I hope you like the Geek Code and find it an entertaining and useful file.

Instructions

The geek code consists of several categories. Each category is labeled with a letter and some qualifiers. Go through each category and determine which set of qualifiers best describes you in that category. By stringing all of these 'codes' together, you are able to construct your overall geek code. It is this single line of code that will inform other geeks the world over of what a great geek you actually are.

Some of the qualifiers will very probably not match with you exactly. Simply choose that qualifier that MOST CLOSELY matches you. Also, some activities described in a specific qualifier you may not engage in, while you do engage in others. Each description of each qualifier describes the wide range of activities that apply, so as long as you match with one, you can probably use that qualifier.

Also, pay particular attention to case-sensitivity, there can be a big difference between a 'u' and a 'U'.

Variables

Geeks can seldom be quantified. To facilitate the fact that within any one category the geek may not be able determine a specific rating, variables have been designed to allow this range to be included.

@

for variable, said trait is not very rigid, may change with time or with individual interaction. For example, Geeks who happen to very much enjoy Star Trek: The Next Generation, but dislike the old 60's series might list themselves as t++@.

()

for indicating "cross-overs" or ranges. Geeks who go from C+ to C--- depending on the situation (i.e. mostly "C+") could use C+(---). Another example might be an m++(**). This would be a person who mostly listens to classical music, but also has an extensive collection of other types of works.

>

for 'wannabe' ratings. Indicating that while the geek is currently at one rating, they are striving to reach another. For example, C->++

$

Indicates that this particular category is done for a living. For example, UL+++$ indicates that the person utilizes unix and gets paid for it. Quite a lucky geek, for sure.

@ is different from () in that () has finite limits within the category, while @ ranges all over.

Type

Geeks come in many flavors. The flavors relate to the vocation of the particular geek. To start a code, a geek must declare himself or herself to be a geek. To do this, we start the code with a "G" to denote "GEEK", followed by one or two letters to denote the geeks occupation or field of study. Multi-talented geeks with more than one vocational training should denote their myriad of talents with a slash between each vocation (example: GCS/MU/T).

GB

Geek of Business

GC

Geek of Classics

GCA

Geek of Commercial Arts

GCM

Geek of Computer Management

GCS

Geek of Computer Science

GE

Geek of Engineering

GED

Geek of Education

GFA

Geek of Fine Arts

GG

Geek of Government

GH

Geek of Humanities

GJ

Geek of Jurisprudence (Law)

GL

Geek of Literature

GM

Geek of Math

GMD

Geek of Medicine

GMU

Geek of Music

GP

Geek of Philosophy

GPM

Geek of Pre-Med

GS

Geek of Science (Physics, Chemistry, Biology, etc.)

GSS

Geek of Social Science (Psychology, Sociology, etc.)

GT

Geek of Theater

GTW

Geek of Technical Writing

GO

Geek of Other. Some types of geeks deviate from the normal geek activities. This is encouraged as true geeks come from all walks of life.

GU

Geek of 'Undecided'. This is a popular vocation with incoming freshmen.

GAT

Geek of All Trades. For those geeks that can do anything and everything. GAT usually precludes the use of other vocational descriptors.

G

Geek of No Qualifications

Section I: Appearance

Dress

Geeks come in many different types of dress.

d++

I tend to wear conservative dress such as a business suit.

d+

I tend to wear trendy political messages like "Save the Whales" or "Free South Africa".

d

I dress a lot like those found in catalog ads. Bland, boring, without life or meaning.

d-

I tend to wear trendy political messages like "Nuke the Humans", "Question Authority", or "Big Brother's Watching".

d--

I wear jeans to work just to piss off my boss

d---

At work, I have holes in my jeans and/or obscenities on my shirt.

d----

Punk dresser

dx

Cross Dresser

d?

I have no idea what I am wearing right now, let alone what I wore yesterday.

!d

No clothing. Quite a fashion statement, don't you think?

-d+

I wear the same clothes all the time, no matter the occasion, often forgetting to do laundry between wearings.

Hair

Just as geeks have a stylish dress appearance, a geek's hair can also be an important statement. Add an 'H' rating to tell about your hair.

H+++

My hair goes down past my waist

H++

My hair dangles to my mid-back

H+

It's down to about my shoulders

H

It's just pretty normal hair

H-

It's cut above the neck

H--

Above the neck AND ear (flattop)

H---

It's about 1/8" long.

H----

I shave my head daily, otherwise it gets too long

!H

I'm bald

H?

I have wigs that allow me to vary my hair

H*

My hair is dyed funky flavors (add the '*' to one of the above)

Shape

Geeks come in many shapes and sizes. Shape code is divided into two parts. The first indicates height, while the second indicates roundness. Mix each section to fit yourself. Examples include: s:++, s++:, s++:--.

s+++:+++

I usually have to duck through doors/I take up three movie seats.

s++:++

I'm a basketball/linebacker candidate.

s+:+

I'm a little taller/rounder than most.

s

I'm an average geek

s-:-

I look up to most people. Everyone tells me to gain a few pounds.

s--:--

I look up to damn near everybody. I tend to have to fight against a strong breeze.

s---:---

I take a phone book with me when I go out so I can see to eat dinner. My bones are poking through my skin.

Glasses

Geeks have traditionally worn glasses.

g+++

I have coke-bottle classes that I can use to start leaves on fire in the hot sun.

g++

I've got four eyes and tape in the middle.

g+

I've got four eyes, what's your point?

g-

I have contacts

g--

I have colored contacts

g---

I have those funky contact that have interesting designs on them such as happy faces or some such.

!g

I have no glasses.

g?

I can't find my glasses.

Pens

Geeks have lots of pens (and pen-like things) in their shirt pockets. Look down at your shirt pocket and count them. Add a p(number) into your code, where p stands for pen-count.

p#

Average number of pens or pencils in a geek's pocket at any given moment in time.

p?

I can't find a writing instrument

!p

pens are obsolete. I have a newton.

Automobile

There is an old saying that one's wheels define a person. Tell the world about yours.

au++++

I have my chauffeured limo take me everywhere.

au+++

I own four different colored Mercedes.

au++

I drive a brand new car that cost more than most houses

au+

I have a sporty-looking car which would be a babe-mobile if I wasn't such a geek.

au

I drive a car which I bought from my parents. It has four doors even though I'm the only one who ever rides in it.

au-

I drive my parents' car. hey, if I could afford my own I wouldn't be living at home with them (see section on housing).

au--

My car has rust everywhere and the muffler drags along the ground.

au---

I drive a '77 Pinto which went over 100,000 miles two years ago.

au----

I have a Yugo

!au

I don't have a car

au*

I have a motorcycle

Age

The only way to become a true geek is through practice and experience. To this end, your age becomes an important part of your geekiness. Use the qualifiers below to show your age (in Terran years).

a+++

60 and up

a++

50-59

a+

40-49

a

30-39

a-

20-29

a--

10-19

a---

9 and under

a?

ageless

!a

it's none of your business how old I am

In addition, if you wish to give your exact age, you can place the number after the 'a' identifier. For example: a42

Weirdness

Geeks have a seemingly natural knack for being "weird". Of course, this is a subjective term as one person's weirdness is another person's normalness. As a general rule, the following weird qualifiers allow a geek to rate their weirdness.

w+++

Mainstream? I heard of that once, I think.

w++

I am so weird, I make Al Yankovic look sane.

w+

so? what's your problem with weird.

w

I am not weird. I'm perfectly normal.

w-

I'm more normal that most people normally are.

w--

I am so incredibly boring...

Verbage

A geeks mastery of the spoken language is an important attribute. Tell us about it.

v---

I don't talk. I just type.

v--

When I talk, people usually look mildly embarrassed.

v-

I use words like 'grok' in everyday conversation.

v

At least I speak in complete sentences. Usually.

v+

People compliment me on my vocabulary.

v++

People compliment me on my eloquence.

v+++

I was the regional forensics champ.

!v

Speech is irrelevant, I use telepathy

v?

I mumble

v*

I babble

Section II: Computers

Computers

Most geeks identify themselves by their use of computers and computer networks. In order to quantify your geekiness level on computers, consult the following (consider the term 'computers' synonymous with 'computer network'):

C++++

I'll be first in line to get the new cybernetic interface installed into my skull.

C+++

You mean there is life outside of Internet? You're shittin' me! I live for muds. I haven't dragged myself to class in weeks.

C++

Computers are a large part of my existence. When I get up in the morning, the first thing I do is log myself in. I mud on weekends, but still manage to stay off of academic probation.

C+

Computers are fun and I enjoy using them. I play a mean game of DOOM! and can use a word processor without resorting to the manual too often. I know that a 3.5" disk is not a hard disk. I also know that when it says 'press any key to continue', I don't have to look for a key labeled 'ANY'.

C

Computers are a tool, nothing more. I use it when it serves my purpose.

C-

Anything more complicated than my calculator and I'm screwed.

C--

Where's the on switch?

C---

If you even mention computers, I will rip your head off!

Unix

It seems that a Unix-based operating system is the OS of choice among most geeks. In addition to telling us about your unix abilities, you can also show which specific unix OS you are using. To accomplish this, you include a letter showing the brand with your rating. For example: UL++++ would indicate a sysadmin running Linux.

B

BSD (use this unless your BSDish system is mentioned below)

L

Linux

U

Ultrix

A

AIX

V

SysV

H

HPUX

I

IRIX

O

OSF/1

S

Sun OS/Solaris

C

SCO Unix

X

NeXT

?

Some other one not listed

U++++

I am the sysadmin. If you try and crack my machine don't be surprised if the municipal works department gets an "accidental" computer-generated order to put start a new landfill on your front lawn.

U+++

I don't need to crack /etc/passwd because I just modified su so that it doesn't prompt me. The admin staff doesn't even know I'm here. If you don't understand what I just said, this category does NOT apply to you!

U++

I've get the entire admin ticked off at me because I am always using all of the CPU time and trying to run programs that I don't have access to. I'm going to try cracking /etc/passwd next week, just don't tell anyone.

U+

I not only have a unix account, but I slam VMS any chance I get.

U

I have a unix account to do my stuff in.

U-

I have a VMS account.

U--

I've seen unix and didn't like it. DEC rules!

U---

Unix geeks are actually nerds in disguise.

Perl

If you enjoy at least U++ status you have to know about Perl, so you might as well rate yourself in this sub-category. Non-unix geeks don't know what they're missing.

P++++

I don't write Perl, I speak it. Perl has superseded all other programming languages. I firmly believe that all programs can be reduced to a Perl one-liner. I use Perl to achieve U+++ status.

P+++

Perl is a very powerful programming tool. Not only do I no longer write shell scripts, I also no longer use awk or sed. I use Perl for all programs of less than a thousand lines.

P++

Perl is a powerful programming tool. I don't write shell scripts anymore because I write them in Perl.

P+

I know of perl. I like perl. I just haven't learned much perl, but it is on my agenda.

P-

What's Perl got that awk and sed don't have?

P--

Perl users are sick, twisted programmers who are just showing off.

P---

Perl combines the power of sh, the clarity of sed, and the performance of awk with the simplicity of C. It should be banned.

P?

What's Pearl?

!P

Our paranoid admin won't let us install perl! Says it's a "hacking tool".

Linux

Linux is a hacker-written operating system virtually identical to unix. It originally and continues to run on your standard 386/486/Pentium PC, but is also being ported to other systems. Because it is still a young OS, and because it is continually evolving from hacker changes and support, it is important that the geek list his Linux ability.

L++++

I am Linus, hear me roar.

L+++

I am a Linux wizard. I munch C code for breakfast and have enough room left over for a kernel debugging. I have so many patches installed that I lost track about ten versions ago. Linux newbies consider me a net.god.

L++

I use Linux almost exclusively on my system. I monitor comp.os.linux.* and even answer questions some times. I've aliased Linux FTP sites to make getting new software easier.

L+

I've managed to get Linux installed and even used it a few times. It seems like it is just another OS.

L

I know what Linux is, but that's about all

L-

I have no desire to use Linux and frankly don't give a rats patootie about it.

L--

Unix sucks. Because Linux = Unix. Linux Sucks. I worship Bill Gates.

L---

I am Bill Gates.

!L

I don't even know what Linux is!

386bsd

386bsd is another version of Unix written for 80x86 like systems. Often there is a friendly (and periodically not-so-friendly) rivalry between the forces of Linux and the forces of 386bsd. Identify your BSDish rating below.

3+++

I am a 386bsd wizard. I munch C code for breakfast and have enough room left over for a kernel debugging. I have so many patches installed that I lost track about ten versions ago. 386bsd newbies consider me a net.god.

3++

I use 386bsd almost exclusively on my system. I monitor comp.os.386bsd.* and even answer questions some times. I've aliased BSD FTP sites to make getting new software easier.

3+

I've managed to get 386bsd installed and even used it a few times. It seems like it is just another OS.

3

I know what it is, but that's about all

3-

I have no desire to use 386bsd and frankly don't give a rats patootie about it.

3--

Unix sucks. Because 386bsd = Unix. 386bsd Sucks. I worship Bill Gates.

3---

I am USL's lawyer.

!3

I don't even know what 386bsd is!

Usenet News

Usenet, a global collection of flaming opinions and senseless babble, was designed as a way to eat up precious spool space on a system's hard drive. It also is a way for people to talk about things.

N++++

I am Tim Pierce

N+++

I read so many news groups that the next batch of news comes in before I finish reading the last batch, and I have to read for about 2 hours straight before I'm caught up on the morning's news. Then there's the afternoon...

N++

I read all the news in a select handful of groups.

N+

I read news recreationally when I have some time to kill.

N

Usenet News? Sure, I read that once

N-

News is a waste of my time and I avoid it completely

N--

News sucks! 'Nuff said.

N*

All I do is read news

!N

We don't have news.

Emacs

GNU Emacs is the do-all be-everything editor availble for just about every computer architecture out there.

E+++

Emacs is my login shell!! M-x doctor is my psycologist! I use emacs to control my TV and toaster oven! All you vi people don't know what you're missing! I read alt.relgion.emacs, alt.sex.emacs, and comp.os.emacs.

E++

I know and use elisp regularly!

E+

Emacs is great! I read my mail and news with it!

E

Yeah, I know what emacs is, and use it as my regular editor.

E-

Emacs is too big and bloated for my tastes

E--

Emacs is just a fancy word processor

E---

Emacs sucks! vi forever!!!

E----

Emacs sucks! pico forever!!!

E?

Emacs? What's that?

Kibo

Kibo is. That is all that can be said.

K++++++

I _am_ Kibo

K+++++

I've had sex with Kibo

K++++

I've met Kibo

K+++

I've gotten mail from Kibo

K++

I've read Kibo

K+

I like Kibo

K

I know who Kibo is

K-

I don't know who Kibo is

K--

I dislike Kibo

K---

I am Xibo

MS-Windows

A good many geeks use the MicroSoft windows program running on DOS to operate their PCs. Rate your Windows Geekiness.

W++++

I have Windows, Windows NT, and Windows NT Advanced Server all running on my SMP RISC machine. I haven't seen daylight in six months.

W+++

I am a MS Windows programming god. I wrote a VxD driver to allow MS Windows and DOS to share the use of my waffle iron. P.S. Unix sux.

W++

I write MS Windows programs in C and think about using C++ someday. I've written at least one DLL.

W+

I have installed my own custom sounds, wallpaper, and screen savers so my PC walks and talks like a fun house. Oh yeah, I have a hundred TrueType(tm) fonts that I've installed but never used.

W

Ok, so I use MS Windows, I don't have to like it.

W-

I'm still trying to install MS Windows and have at least one peripheral that never works right

W--

MS Windows is a joke operating system. Hell, its not even an operating system. NT is Not Tough enough for me either.

W---

Windows has set back the computing industry by at least 10 years. Bill Gates should be drawn, quarted, hung, shot, poisoned, disemboweled, and then REALLY hurt.

!W

I don't do Windows. Got a problem with that?

Macintosh

Many geeks have abandoned the character-based computer and moved over to the macintosh. It in important to give notification of your mac rating.

M++

I am a mac guru. Anything those dos putzes and unix nerds can do, i can do better, and if not, I'll write the damn software to do it.

M+

A mac has it's uses and I use it quite often.

M

I use a mac, but I'm pretty indifferent about it.

M-

Macs suck. All real geeks have a character prompt.

M--

Macs do more than suck. They make a user stupid by allowing them to use the system without knowing what they are doing. Mac weenies have lower IQs than the fuzz in my navel.

M?

What's a macintosh?

VMS

Many geeks use the VMS operating system by DEC for all of their mainframe and network activity.

V++

Unix is a passing fad compared to the real power in the universe, my VMS system.

V+

I tend to like VMS better than Unix

V

I've used VMS.

V-

Unix is much better than VMS for my computing needs.

V--

I would rather smash my head repeatedly into a brick wall than suffer the agony of working with VMS. It's reminiscent of a dead and decaying pile of moose droppings. Unix rules the universe.

!V

I've not ever used VMS.

Section III: Politics

Politics

Geeks come from widely variant political backgrounds.

po+++

Fuckin' Minorities! Adolf Hitler is my hero! And so is Rush Limbaugh!

po++

All in favor of eliminating free speech, say aye!

po+

Let's get the government off of big-business's back

po

Politics? I've heard of that somewhere but in all honesty I really don't give a shit.

po-

Bring back the 60's

po--

I'm still living in the 60's

po---

No taxes through no government

-po+

Don't label me you moron! Both sides are equally fucked up!

Cypherpunks

With the birth of the overused buzzword "The Information Superhighway", concerns over privacy from evil governmental bad-guys{tm} has led to the formation of of an unofficial, loosely organized band of civil libertarians who spend much of their time discussing how to insure privacy in the information future. This group is known by some as "cypherpunks" (to others, as anarchistic subversives). To this end, tell us how punkish you are.

Y+++

I am T.C. May

Y++

I am on the cypherpunks mailing list and active around Usenet. I never miss an opportunity to talk about the evils of Clipper and the NSA. Orwells' 1984 is more than a story, it is a warning to ours' and future generations. I'm a member of the EFF.

Y+

I have an interest and concern in privacy issues, but in reality I am not really all that active or vocal.

Y

I'm pretty indifferent on the whole issue.

Y-

It seems to me that all of these concerns are a little extreme. I mean, the government must be able to protect itself from criminals.

Y--

Get a life. The only people that need this kind of protection are people with something to hide. I think cypherpunks are just a little paranoid.

Y---

I am L. Dietweiller.

Section IV: Entertainment

Star Trek

Most geeks have an undeniable love for the Star Trek television show (in any of its four forms). Because GEEK is often synonymous with TREKKIE (real geeks aren't so anal as to label themselves TREKKER), it is important that all geeks list their Trek rating.

t+++

It's not just a TV show, its a religion. I know all about warp field dynamics and the principles behind the transporter. I have memorized the TECH manual. I speak Klingon. I go to cons with Vulcan ears on. I have no life.

t++

It's the best show around. I have all the episodes and the movies on tape and can quote entire scenes verbatim. I've built a few of the model kits too. But you'll never catch me at one of those conventions. Those people are kooks.

t+

It's a damn fine TV show and is one of the only things good on television any more.

t

It's just another TV show

t-

Maybe it is just me, but I have no idea what the big deal with Star Trek is. Perhaps I'm missing something but I just think it is bad drama.

t--

Star Trek is just another Space Opera. William Shatner isn't an actor, he's a poser! And what's with this Jean-Luc Picard? A Frenchman with a British accent? Come on. I'd only watch this show if my remote control broke.

t---

Star Trek SUCKS! It is the worst crap I have ever seen! Hey, all you trekkies out there, GET A LIFE! (William Shatner is a t---)

Babylon 5

For many years, Sci-Fi geeks have wished for a television show that would overcome the limitations of Star Trek. For many, a new show called Babylon 5 has met that demand, with a deep storyline, exciting characters and state-of-the-art computer generated effects.

5+++

I am a True Worshipper of the Church of Joe who lives eats breathes and thinks Babylon 5, and has Evil toughts about stealing Joe's videotape archives just to see episodes earlier. I am planning to break into the bank and steal the triple-encoded synopsis of the 5-year arc.

5++

Finally a show that shows what a real future would look like. None of this Picardian "Let's talk about it and be friends" crap. And what's this? We finally get to see a bathroom! Over on that Enterprise, they've been holding it for over seven years.

5+

Babylon 5 certainly presents a fresh perspective in the Sci-Fi universe. I watch it weekly.

5

I've seen it, I am pretty indifferent to it.

5-

This show is sub-par. The acting is wooden, the special effects are obviously poor quality. In general, it seems like a very cheap Star Trek ripoff.

5--

You call this Sci-Fi? That is such a load of crap! This show is just a soap with bad actors, piss-poor effects, and lame storylines. Puh-leese.

!5

I've never seen Babylon 5

Jeopardy

Simply the geekiest television show in the world.

j+++

I dress like Art Fleming, practice Alex Trebek's vocal nuances, and make a pilgrimage to the Jeopardy studio every six months to either take the contestant test or to cheer from the audience.

j++

I watch Jeopardy regularly, and annoy others in the college rec center by shouting out the answers.

j+

I watch Jeopardy regularly.

j

Sure I watch it, but, hey, it's only a show.

j-

Jeopardy? That's show's for a bunch of no-life eggheads.

j--

I annoy others in the college rec center by shouting out the *wrong* answers.

!j

I've never seen Jeopardy or don't watch it.

j#

I've taken the Jeopardy test # number of times.

j$

I've won money on the show.

jP

I've gotten the d*mn Lee Press-On Nails on the show (or some other lame-o consolation prize).

jx

I don't watch Jeopardy because it's too easy

Role Playing

Role-playing games such as Dungeons & Dragons have long been a part of the traditional geek life. Because geeks often become so involved in their role-playing that they lose touch with reality, include one of the following role-playing codes.

R+++

I've written and publish my own gaming materials.

R++

There is no life outside the role of the die. I know all of piddly rules of (chosen game). _MY_ own warped rules scare the rest of the players.

R+

I've got my weekly sessions set up and a character that I know better than I know myself.

R

Role-Playing? That's just something to do to kill a Saturday afternoon

R-

Gosh, what an utter waste of time!

R--

Role-Players are instruments of pure evil.

MAGIC: The Gathering

Magic: The Gathering is taking over. If you haven't heard of it, it involves collecting cards that summon creatures, cast spells, represent artifacts, etc., for the purpose of reducing the opponent's life points from 20 to 0 in the course of a game. Many of geeks have spent over $100 on these things, some a lot more.

G++++

I am considered a Magic(tm) god. I have nicknames for every card and know just about every strategy there is.

G+++

I have a Lord of the Pit, a Black Lotus and a Reverse Damage. I play for hours every night.

G++

I've spent almost $100 on cards. A good chunk of my spare time goes into playing or constructing decks and keeping up my checklist.

G+

Ok, ok, so I bought a few packs of cards. Big deal.

G

I play Magic, if I can borrow a deck. It's an ok game.

G-

I don't even play anymore. I just collect. My cards fill three shoeboxes.

G--

I don't go to class/work anymore. Sometimes I don't sleep.

G---

I have 3 Lords of the Pit, Armageddon, Wrath of God, and two Reverse Damages. I also have all five of the Greater Legends Dragons. I can quote the exact wording and, in some cases, casting cost, of any card on demand. I've memorized the PPG. I am a Magic munchkin.

G----

Some friends and I are trying to get boxes of booster packs at cost so we can sell them at a profit and buy more cards at cost that we can sell for profit and buy more cards at....

G? What the hell _IS_ Magic?

G'

I don't play Magic on purpose. It doesn't seem worth it.

G''

I make fun of my Magic-playing friends. Magic's a scam.

G'''

I shun those who play Magic. They are stupid sheep who can't see what an abovious scam it is.

G''''

I go out of my way to warn others of the dangers of "Crack for Gamers" aka Magic:the Gathering.

Television

Many geeks have lives that revolve around television.

tv+++

There's nothing I can experience "out there" that I can't see coming over my satellite dish. I wish there were MORE channels.

tv++

I just leave the tv on, to make sure I don't miss anything.

tv+

I watch some tv every day.

tv

I watch only the shows that are actually worth while.

tv-

I watch tv for the news and 'special programming.'

tv--

I turn my tv on during natural disasters.

!tv

I do not own a television.

Books

In addition, many geeks have lives that revolve around books.

b+++

I consume a few books a week as part of a staple diet.

b++

I find the time to get through at least one new book a month.

b+

I enjoy reading, but don't get the time very often.

b

I read the newspaper and the occasional book.

b-

I read when there is no other way to get the information.

b--

I did not actually READ the geek code, I just had someone tell me.

DOOM!

There is a game out for the PC-class (and soon others) computers called DOOM. It's a 3D virtual reality simulation where you race around and blow things away with large-caliber weaponry. It can be quite fun. Tell us about your DOOM experiences.

D+++

I crank out PWAD files daily, complete with new monsters, weaponry, sounds and maps. I'm a DOOM God. I can solve the original maps in nightmare mode with my eyes closed.

D++

I've played the shareware version and bought the real one and I'm actually pretty good at the game. I occasionally download PWAD files and play them too.

D+

It's a fun, action game that is a nice diversion on a lazy afternoon.

D

I've played the game and I'm pretty indifferent.

D-

I've played the game and really didn't think it was all that impressive.

D--

It's an overly-violent game and pure crap

D---

I've seen better on my Atari 2600

!D

I've never played Doom!

Barney

Some people have heard of the Great Purple One. How do they feel about him?

B+++

I worship the ground He walks on. I wish to erect a shrine for Him in my front yard. I feel a need to sell all my worldly belongings, shave my head, and go to airports where I will hand out Barney dolls and spread His message of universal love for everyone regardless of race, creed, color, sexual preference, or species.

B++

I don't miss an episode, except when I have to work or go in for a root canal. Barney loves me.

B+

I like him. He has a nice, wholesome message. He's good for the country.

B

Hey, the little tykes love him, they don't go around karate-chopping each other any more; what's the big deal?

B-

Barney is annoying

B--

Don't talk to me about him. I'm getting sick of his smarmy message. He makes me ill.

B---

He's sick. He's polluting our children's minds with this love and tolerance crap. Boycott any station or store that carries him. His head would really look good on my wall next to stuffed Smurfs.

!B

Who's Barney?

Section V: Lifestyle

Education

All geeks have a varying amount of education.

e++++

Still pretty stupid, over qualified to work any job, went and got my Ph.D.

e+++

Had not learned enough to know better not to go back and try for a master's degree.

e++

Managed to finish my bachelors.

e+

Started a degree, plan to finish it some day.

e

K-12, been on a college campus.

e-

Got my bachelors, escaped alive, and am making hoards of money writing unmaintainable (except by me) software.

e--

The company I work for was dumb enough to fund my way through a masters degree, then started paying me even more money.

e---

Achieved a Ph.D, have devoted my life to insignificant research, which my employer pays dearly for.

!e

Flunked high school, learned life the hard way

e*

I learned everything there is to know about life from the "Hitchhiker's Trilogy".

Music

Musical interests vary widely, also.

u+++

I consider myself over-refined and grok that heavy-duty elevator music.

u++

I consider myself refined and enjoy classical and new-age selections

u+

I own a tape or CD collection (records also count, but you would be admitting how old you really are).

u

I occasionally listen to the radio

u-

Just play it loud

u--

I play air-guitar better than anyone else.

u---

LISTEN! I SAID TO PLAY IT LOUD!

u*

I listen to music that no one else has ever heard of

u**

I listen to so many types of music that I can't even keep them straight

-u

I like _both_ kinds of music: Country AND Western

Housing

Tell us about your geeky home.

h++

Living in a cave with 47 computers and an Internet feed, located near a Dominoes pizza. See !d.

h+

Living alone, get out once a week to buy food, no more than once a month to do laundry. All surfaces covered.

h

Friends come over to visit every once in a while to talk about Geek things. There is a place for them to sit.

h-

Living with one or more registered Geeks.

h--

Living with one or more people who know nothing about being a Geek and refuse to watch 'Star Trek'.

h---

Married, with the potential for children. (persons living with a fiance might as well label themselves h---, you're as good as there already.)

h----

Married with children - Al Bundy can sympathize

h!

I am stuck living with my parents!

h*

I'm not sure where I live anymore. This lab/workplace seems like home to me.

Friends

Yes, it's true; geeks do have friends. At least, some of them do.

f++

I have so many friends, I make other people jealous.

f+

I have quite a few really close friends. We get along great. They are all other geeks, though.

f

Yeah, I have friends. Who told you?

f-

I have a few friends. They barely seem to speak to me anymore.

f--

I've got about one friend left in the world, who probably wants to shoot me.

f---

I used to have friends, but I didn't like it

f?

I *think* I have friends.

f*

Everyone is my friend.

!f

I have no friends. Get lost.

Relationships

Many geeks are highly successful at having relationships, a good many more are not. Give us the gritty details.

r+++

Found someone, dated, and am now married.

r++

I've dated my current SO for a long time

r+

I bounce from one relationship to another, but I have quite a few.

r

I date periodically

r-

I have difficulty maintaining a relationship

r--

Most people aren't interested in dating me

r---

I'm beginning to think I'm a leper or something, the way people avoid me like the plague

!r

I've never had a relationship

r*

signifying membership in the SBCA (Sour Bachelor(ette)'s Club of America). The motto is 'Bitter, but not Desperate'. First founded at Caltech.

Nutrition

Geeks usually consume food. Some eat everything they can grab while some others are quite conscious of their food. (Note: 'n' is used for nutrition as 'f' is used elsewhere.)

n+++

I graze like a bunny - pass me a carrot!

n++

I like the fibers in food

n+

I like food - especially when it is healthy.

n-

Food? I just grab something from the shelves with meat in it.

n--

I eat only the cheap things - even with artificial meat and vegetables.

n---

I eat meat - seen Jurassic Park?

n----

I _live_ on snacks and coke.

!n

Eh what? never mind the menu, give me something to eat!

Sex

Geeks have traditionally had problems with sex (ie, they never have any). Because geeks are so wrapped up in their sexuality (or lack of sexuality for that matter), it is important that the geek be willing to quantify their sexual experiences.

This code also is used to denote the gender of the geek. Females use 'x' in this category, while males use 'y'. Those that do not wish to disclose their gender can use 'z'. For example:

x+

A female who has had sex

y+

A male who has had sex.

z+

A person (gender undisclosed) who has had sex.

For those person who do not wish to give out any details of their sex life, the use of x? (where x is the gender code) will allow you to so.

x++++

I have a few little rug rats to prove I've been there. Besides, with kids around, who has time for sex?

x+++

I'm married, so I can get it (theoretically) whenever I want.

x++

I was once referred to as 'easy'. I have no idea where that might have come from though.

x+

I've had real, live sex.

x-

I prefer computer sex to real sex.

x--

I was once referred to as a 'cyberslut', but I have no idea where that might have come from.

x*

I'm a pervert.

x**

I've been known to make perverts look like angels.

!x

Sex? What's that? I've had no sexual experiences.

x?

It's none of your business what my sex life is like (this is used to denote your gender only).

!x+

Sex? What's that? No experience, willing to learn!

The Geek Code is copyright 1993,1994 by Robert A. Hayden. All rights reserved. You are free to distribute this code in electronic format provided that the file remains unmodified and this copyright notice remains attached.

Send comments to the GC maintainer:Robert A. Hayden